I hate the words that might roll off my tongue.
I hate hurting people but things being left unsaid might hurt even more.
This is just a heavy cross to bear.
The more I think about it, this might become one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do.

It's weird but I've never been so content with just being with myself, by myself, not clinging to someone else's flesh or artificial feelings to keep me sane. It's nice for once not being aggravated for having no place to put my heart, I don't mind keeping it to myself for as long as it takes.

I'm on the verge of something big.
My hands found the perfect chords tonight.
My voice, the perfect melody.
&the words will come soon, improv has proved some promising words.
It's funny how I went on a bitch spree the other day saying how I haven't been able to write a song in months (since May) but here I am, these thoughts keep coming. I just hope my pen has enough ink to write them...

I'm so frustrated with people today.

I've developed this weird sleeping patter when I will sleep for like 3 hours at night, wake up and have the urge to do something and I keep myself occupied for 2 - 3 hours, then finally muster up enough exhaustion to fall asleep again. & so I wake up late. It's tiring.
When I have no worries,
nothing to really think about,
no reason to be tossing & turning.

I found out yesterday doing some research that I would be in school just as long if I decided to swap my major and my minor and just go for a Bachelor of Applied Arts for Broadcast and Cinematic Arts and minor in Business administration, instead of a Bachelor of Science for Business Administration and Media Production & Technology. So I'm going to talk to a counselor when I get up to school and figure out which way I should take, my courses won't change this semester so I'm good. &I'll find out how long it would take me if I just decided to double major in Business & Broadcast and Cinematic Arts and keep my Media Productions Minor. Hmm.
If I at least swap it means I'll be guarantied an internship in radio and/or tv before I graduate. Seems like a win/win situation. So we'll see how it goes.

I'm bummed yesterday I also found out that Mexico is out question this year as far as paying for rent, & school, &other bills, and not really saving as much money as I would like. $700 plane tickets are WAY out of my league at the moment, but Nashville in August will be nice. It might be just what I need.

I don't even know what I need.
I'm experimenting all week trying to find out what makes me feel gross at night.
I'm pretty sure its because I drink soda sometimes when I work at the mall and the sugar and sweetness just makes my stomach want to explode. The same thing happened to my mom when she was my age. Sooo, that's probably it. But we'll try some other things too because I can't take the feeling any more. I can't stand telling people I can't do anything because I feel like shit, or I might puke. I get out of work at 9 not like 2 am. It's still pretty much light out when I'm walking to my car. & summer is running out. &I'll hate myself if I keep this routine up.

Ugh I guess thats all the bitching I need to do right now.
CIAO.

salutations.
you might notice the bulk of '07 in this piece not existing anymore.
its a good thing.

one day it will happen for real.
it will no longer be pretend love.
until then, I float in the presence of good friends & the people who have never let me down. probably what should have been done all along.
its better that way.


I wish I could be Holly Golightly. Someday my life will be just like Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I need to see it all while I'm young and not working real jobs and still healthy to do all the things I want to do, even if I can't afford too so this next year I owe it to myself and I know at least 2 of them will happen.

Nashville - August 28th ~ September 3 2008
Cancun, Mexico & Mayan ruins - March 10 ~ 17th 2009
Roadtrip to Yellowstone ~ August 2009

I'm tired of waiting for stuff to begin. I'll make it happen myself.

I wish life made more sense and I could always have arms to run into whenever I felt like it was all caving in on me.

I really wish I could find a common ground.
Tell me what to do to keep from going crazy. Tell me what to do to be good enough. Tell me how to make it through all this inside when my insides are rotting and I don't have anything to hold on to.

In a world full of hate and chaos... I want to love and be the most fearful of all.

I hate you.






the end.

I miss you. :(

I'm unconsciously aware of what you do to me..
Through daydream projections up on my white wall screen;
Liquified memories dance down my pale cheeks
And your ghost, it comes in the silence of my dreams.



13 days.....

This song is it all.


Lately I'm alright
and lately I'm not scared
I've figured out,
that what you do to me feels like
I'm floating on air.
I don't need to know right now
all I know is I believe
in the very thing that got us here
and now I can't leave.

Say anything, but say what you mean,
cause I'm caught in suspension.

Now,
I'm wanting this for sure
and I'll beg for nothing more.
I'll plan all day and drive all night
you'll love what's in store.
I can't seem to stop this now
even if it's not so clear,
and I'll take what I can get.
If you want me here (If you want me here)

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this
your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe.
Cause I'm caught in suspension.

It's enough for me to get excited,
It's enough for me to feel...Oh!

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this.
Your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, please say what you mean)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension.

I bought the most amazing bra ever today.
After a snack of m&ms for dinner, the 5 tons of carbonated snow falling from the sky, I feel like crapppppppp.
On happier notes; dave matthews was on House tonight and they made me smile.
On a much happier, much delightful note; I got to spend time with the bestfriend today.
It was nice.
That said, I'm exhausted, in dire need of some R&R. My leg has been cramped up all day, I feel vomit, my eye has an infection I think, I have unexplanable cuts all over my body, bruises from being clumsy, and irrational thoughts of fear and anxiety about my upcoming show.
That said, I need sleep. LOTS of sleep. Maybe a movie will do it.
P.S. I don't care what anyone said, the number 23 was amazing. &I have a celebrity crush on Jim Carrey.
that is all.
I hope you enjoyed the less cryptic. I retire now.

Je suis tombant et je ne sais quoi faire.......




Leaving is going to be like taking a fish out of water.
I'll shut up now.

I savour days like this where waking up doesn't feel like such a chore.


I feel so light hearted and freee. Maybe its the weather, maybe its the fact that my project is coming together, maybe its the fact that i've revamped some old songs and I'm not afraid to play them now. Maybe its just a good day to be alive.

I quiver.

ALERT::::BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH
actually get your asses up to mt. pleasant on the 15th of march.
I've been asked to play at the Cabin again for girls and guitars.
And this time...LONGER SETS. no more dinky half hour, no I get like an HOUR to perform my shit, and some covers.
I'm excited!!!!! Majorly.
now, aside from that I've kinda been in the dumps today so I'm thinking a little target therapy would help.
sala kalhe♥
Casey


p,s,I miss you.

2006
I became a voice.
I broke out of my shell.
I discovered what it meant to be passionate.
I lived.
I lost.
I began.
I created.
I destroyed.
I sang.
I laughed.
I cried.
I achieved.
I was defeated.
I defeated.
I learned.
I grew.
I played.
I hurt.
I gave up.
I forgave.
I changed.
I appreciated.
I found hope.
I discovered that dreams do come true.
I learned how to move on.
I moved.
I rediscovered God.
I blossomed.
I danced.
I became a part of something.
I wrote songs.
I saved lives.
I was saved.
I became stronger.
I said sorry, and meant it.
I was wretched.
I lied.
I decieved.
I cheated.
I longed for what I couldn't have.
I broke down.
I touched.
I used my body out of context.
I learned who my true friends are.
I fell...it really hurt.
I tried.
I failed.
I opened my eyes.
I loved.

There we have it. Everything from 2006 that I can possibly think of.
I think this year was a pedestal year for me. True, I lost touch with a lot of incredible people, but I became, or rather, exposed a side of me that I never knew existed. All my life, I've been the kind of girl that was "eh" about everything, never taking a stand or a belief in anything. But I've been humbled, and reminded that there's more to life then waiting for the next best thing. There are dreams out there. There are ways of fulfilling these dreams. There is a way. If you want something bad enough. Go for it. I cannot express that enough. I learned to reach out. I learned to be a voice. To be something I never knew I could be. And I continue to grow every day.

2007 I expect things this year.
To keep eating healthy.
Take up yoga for good, and not just on occasion.
Record this demo...
Play more shows.
Become fluent in Zulu.
Write more songs.
Find a good man.
Dance. Dance. Dance.

There you have it. I've begun learning Zulu, its a fascinating language. My healthy eating started sliding around the holidays but I've gotten better. ^_^ Life is good. Sweet. Dandy. Makes me wanna go pick flowers in a field, and its almost warm enough to actually grow flowers, lmaotree.

Sala Kahle,
Casey

Thats all i got.

I've been thinking about junk food & how it tastes so good because its not good for you. Not really the kind you eat. But the metaphorical kind, how you always want what you can't/shouldn't have. Yeahh. Whenever I know what I want, its either of the 2. Right now its both. Ehhh. If that makes sense.


I honestly don't know what to do about either.

What I can't.
What I shouldn't.


Grrrrrrr....sometimes I wanna tear myself apart and see what makes me tick.




xoxo,casey



P L A Y L I S T
Frou Frou _ Shhh
Pete Yorn _ Ice Age
Helen Stellar _ Io
Evaline _ Calm Touching

So, I'm going apartment shopping on Saturday with Damon, Brandon, and possibly Zach.
I hope I find somewhere nice. Then I'll be counting down the days til I get my very own kitty to play with :)

My aunt invited me to go with her to her doctors conference this year...ON A GREEK ISLE CRUISE SHIP....It would be so amazing. We would be flying out to Venice, and then cruising the isles of the mediterannian, and then taking a 2 day bus tour of Venice. It would be AMAZING. And as long as its just me going, I would just need to buy a plane ticket and afford my own dinners and hanging out by myself.
Currently, I cannot afford it.
Since I don't know for sure if I'm going back to Wet Seal or not....financially right now, as amazing as it would be, it doesn't look like its happening. :(
I hate money. I'm going to sell my virginity on eBay....again. Yup. Sounds like a plan!


Okay other then the fact that life is complicated, boys are confusing, and I'm ready of this semester to be over, I have nothing else to say.

Get lost in it!

Spreading love like a wild fire,
xoxo,casey

I really don't ever have anything to say in here, so why do I still post?

A short update, I have about a million pictures I'll get around to putting on here.
This weekend was Central/Western weekend, and despite my car dilemma friday night, it was pretty damn good. Not gonna lie, I was quite disappointed when I came back last night and had to face reality again. I play at the cabin this thursday. I'm going to be on the radio again tonight. And I have to promote this shit like crazy. My beloved bestest and neil are coming up here this weekend, so I can show them around (the fact that there's not much to mt. pleasant should be interesting) maybe I'll take them on a scenic cornfield drive. 36 Crazyfists are playing in GR this saturday and I kinda wanted to go, but its a long drive, I might not even have my friggen car, and I dunno, their new CD pretty much kicks my ass.

I did my first duet last night. Cedar and I attempted, and pretty much butchered Whiskey Lullaby, it was fun as hell though. He has a 12 string and I must say, I'm quite jealous, it pretty much sounds a hundred times better then any 6 string. I played for about 20 kids last night, so that was pretty sweet :) I woke up to a nice sign in front of my door telling me I was awesome, made me smile :) I expect a wholesome turnout on thursday, I'm more nervous about not having enough songs then actually doing them.

I don't have anything else to say...Hmm.
This is probably it til I get unlazy.and post those pictures.


I'm listening to Dashboard, lol. Can't say I've listened to them in YEARS.

PEACELOVECASEY

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?